Forgive this rumble thought of mine, but I just couldn’t help it.
I feel like the leaves are already beginning to change; the color, the smell, and it will fall loosely, then one day, the trees will let go of their branches, as myself hoping it would be.
I have seen many people changed; got married, had families of their own, achieved their goals, lived the kind of life they wanted without boundaries and worries. Everyone is looking for someplace where they can actually belong; it could be in the hand from someone they love, a life with advocacy, or in some form and for many reasons and others still struggling to get the place they’re waiting for.
I am not actually anxious about this thing, but I cannot deny that it makes me consider thinking. Am I wasting my time too much that I have no preparation for what and where I am about to be? considering that I am an independent, single provider and pitiless human being? There is no way; I am not good enough to plan for myself.
Once a friend told me to find someone to be with for the rest of my life, and I think it is not that as easy to say. When you reach this stage, fairy tales do no longer exist, and reality bites. I have never thought about it, simply because I have no place to find where my heart would be feeling at EASE. I could not find the place where I can set my heart carelessly but not hurting.
But I am a woman with a sensible mind to admit.
Maybe I could find the person who would flutter my heart and change my mind. Maybe not.
Maybe I have another task to do while being safeguarded by my values. Maybe not.
Maybe I could find my resting place in helping others, continuing to be a better friend, a mother waiting for his son to come by. Maybe not.
I am not worried… because…
There is always falling leaves. The path will change.
There is a rising hope. Never be disloyal to yourself, just believe.