I LIKE YOUR X

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Everyone has those moments when you unexpectedly remember someone out of the blue. This sudden memory made me smile as I called it my modest experience.

Long time ago, I met this guy during my time of recovering from a distressful break-up.  It wasn’t crush or love at first sight, there was no butterflies grating my stomach, not even a vivid imagination that we could be be more than friends. At the very start I knew he likes me.  I was just so distant that he realized it wasn’t easy for me to start all over again, and all he could do is to be man enough to accept only the advantage of a mere friendship I can only show off to him.

The days have passed I never notice that we’ve been hanging out more than a bit of what I am expecting.    I started to enjoy his company and found myself laughing and responding to his silly games.   I understood instantly that I am about to like him.  He was just so funny, witty, religious, gentleman and kind. I have never told anyone of what I am feeling at that time, I just want to deal with it by myself.

One night I received a call from a friend.  She was sobbing that I couldn’t almost hear what she’s trying to say.  After the moment she composed herself back, she told me with a rasping voice of her being pregnant.  She’s having a child out of wedlock and no husband to be.  I know its worse more than you can imagine.

 I was with this friend throughout the summer; we met and worked together in a part time job, get along well and talked about everything under the sun.  In that span of time, she was having a hard time making things right with her relationship with her guy. I have never met him, but the way she talks about him, seems he is one of a kind to keep and fight for.  Maybe that’s why it bothers her so much to decide to stay or to be out in that relationship. All I did is just listening to her woes; I don’t want to push over my limits too. Then one day, she just came to me and told me that it was all over. The guy broke up with her and found someone new.

As a friend I felt devastated.  It was good that I never met him or else I could deflect to him my personal anger too about men.  My friend was confused if she’s going to let him know about her situation.  Since I was in the right mind in that flashy night, I insisted her to let the bastard know.  She was so hesitant, afraid that the guy might be thinking she was just using the pregnancy for him to come back.  I made her agree that I will be the one to inform the guy.  So I asked his  phone number and complete name.

My lips weren’t able to move for a minute. I was just keeping staring from the small paper she handed me. I recognized the name. I could feel the wind made me shivered. Her guy was the guy I am dating, the guy that I am starting to like. What a peculiar circumstance.  I don’t know how I manage myself at that moment.  I promised her that maybe I could help and everything will be fine.  I called the guy and informed him the whole thing.  As expected he was shocked and mystified. Sometimes life has its own way to be funny and I wasn’t laughing , never in that situation at all.

My friend called and nothing to say but to cry.  I said I was sorry.  I have never ever imagined something like that; I didn’t know it was him.  I know it wasn’t our mistake, it just happened like that.  At that moment, I decided not to choose between them.  I left them both.  I ignored his calls, avoided him in any way I can.  I would never betray a friend over some guy but I can’t also manage to stay beside her after all have happened, it’s too uncomfortable to think.

Months passed I heard that they back together and got married.  Of course I wasn’t invited.  It’s enough to know that I made the right decision.  Someday they will remember me nothing but being a good friend.

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