Out of the blue, I was able to open my son’s Facebook on my mobile phone. I think he used it when I was with him during my vacation; he wasn’t able to sign it out. As a mother, I am very much curious to know what is happening to him, I would defend myself that this is my right, even though I am invading his privacy. Now I understand when my Mother read my diary because I am doing the same too, I think we have only one intention, and that is to be aware.
So, I am constantly checking my son Facebook now and his messages. I am making sure that he is not using nasty words and whatever not prohibited for his age. Whenever I found something on his page or messages that caught my attention, I usually pretended to discussed it with him as if I am guessing the situation.
Honestly, this gives me an anxiety. It makes me realize that he is no longer a baby anymore, but an already a teen. The crucial age where Parents should be there to guide, teach and watch their children, and I just can’t simply be there because I am afraid to leave my work; that both of us will be starving.
As a mother I feel so damn pathetic and useless. How had I been able to waste such years without seeing him grow? If I could just turn back the time, I will stay there with him and tried to embrace the possibility that maybe I couldn’t give him everything he needed, but at least I was there for him, physically and emotionally.
What I have now is only my Prayer that he will grow to be a good person, and the miracle that I am asking for God to happen. I will not count my tears, I will it flow until my faith will make it stop.