Yesterday, I went out to see an exhibition with my office mate. Actually, I really don’t want to go, but she kept on insisting. I don’t want to be labeled as killjoy especially in front of my boss who gave us free passes to the show. So, I went with her without expecting anything fun at all. By the way, I really don’t like her, if you remember my old post; The Most Impolite, well It’s her again.
Anyhow, we went there and nothing extra fun happened as I expected. I was about to complain to her that I was tired and wanna to go home, but when I saw in her eyes that she was really having fun with me, I wasn’t able to say a word. I’d love to be bad on her but just couldn’t do it.
I ask myself why.
For the past months, I gathered some info about her. She doesn’t have a Facebook account, wasn’t aware of Instagram too. She always asked permission of her husband for anything. She has never gone into movie houses, never drunk and don’t go out during weekends. Back in my mind, I was asking where the hell is she from. She must have a sad life, but of course, I don’t know her whole story.
Sometimes, I pity her because she doesn’t have friends to be around, sometimes I like her because she was laughing at my jokes, but most of the time I just want to ignore her.
Yesterday, she admitted that she had fun going out with me, which broke my heart. I can’t be honest with her, she might hurt.
I asked myself why I am so bad about this, why I just can like a person. Why I can’t be someone who can care enough to others. Why I made to be like this. Why there is always a wall in front of me, making it hard to trust other people?
Why I act a certain way in one place and feels different in another?
In response to the daily prompt Toot Your Horn