Today is the last day of June and I can’t wait to end it very soon.
See, this month is a little catastrophe to me; Why?
I will be moving to a new room with five strangers around. The rent is cheaper to compare, but oddly, I feel like lost. Maybe because I used to live with persons I knew for years and this is really something new to me. I don’t know until when it finds me comforting about the sight of strangers at home.
I’m in the state of “hibernate friendship”. A friend was wrathful at me, believing that I bullied her for something which I don’t consider of. Whatever comes in my mind, I express it bluntly, if someone sees it as hounding then what shall I do? Do I have to always say sorry? To shut up? To choose my words? To bite my tongue?
I am most grateful if someone can tell me right into my face that they don’t like me anymore, or I have hurt them so I can apologize. It’s irritating to be ignored and to take silence because this is not the way I graft my life for.
This is so exhausting when issues stands unresolved , more wearing when I have no strength to protect the relationship, when promises are made to be broken. I might end up making a wrong decision, but this is how I take my way.
I am anxious this time to whether be myself or someone else. To be myself, then they will hate me, or to pretend someone else, but feeling sorry for the not being real.
I maybe lost control over everything in my head now, but I know exactly who I am.
Take me as I am or watch me as I go.