I am overwhelmed by the unexpected openness from your letter. Though we never talked about it for a long time, I can imagine the courage you must have to put to let me know what is really going on inside of you, the things that I have never even pick a glimpse before. I couldn’t agree more that you are good at hiding everything. Sometimes, I confused you of being secretive or introvert. I thought if I started to be open to you, you would follow my lead, but then I was wrong. My beliefs lead me to sadness.
When we’re still together before, I was really confused and asking myself what was really going on between us. I believed that you should be a man to stand for a relationship, but then, you weren’t able to do it. The truth is, it doesn’t change me the way I believe in you from the first time we have met because I know you are still a good man, the good person I have known and a good friend to me when I needed you most . I have loved you for that.
I know what you are feeling before, your struggles of wanting to share something with me but left unspoken. At times, I really don’t comprehend what you are trying to tell, but still, I listened because I know that was all you need, someone who won’t judge you.
I firmly believe that there’s nothing wrong with you. You are still a person, that is you and nobody can change it. As long as you know who you are, it makes sense, there’s no problem about that. People can understand and accept you, but first, you must also do it for yourself, then everything will be fine. I want you to know, that I have accepted you of who you are, it might not enough for you to realize before, but it was the truth.
Old memories are good to be cherished. Whatever you have experienced in your younger years just make it sure it won’t affect your entire life. Make up for your mom, start telling her the lightest things happening to you and you will just notice you’ll become closer to her again. She’ll be happy more than anyone in this world.
This must be tough for you, but please try to reach out to others. You can do it. We will never be friends if you didn’t make known yourself to me, right? if someone will invite you out, go, have fun, never sit in your dark room, and please stop drinking pineapple juice when you are out with the boys, they might think you’re weird. Order a beer, eat peanuts and get drunk till your head hurts. (I’m pretty sure you never tried this one)
I hope you are no longer feeling the blues now. Maybe some days it will come again, but at least you learned to sort it out. If things still difficult for you, please send me a letter, again and again, write everything you need to express. Don’t bother about what will come to my reaction, you know me, I don’t give a damn. Just write and write until the keyboard will surrender. And please, don’t even think of dying again, I have already two friends died, I don’t want to mourn again.
Please do remember, that you are a good person, you never hurt anyone willfully, but please don’t hurt yourself too. You can still trust me, after all, we’ve been together for how many years as friends, more than friends, we broke up, still friends, went to our separate ways, we patch up and talked again. If you are not worthy and if you are not good enough, do you think we still have a conversation like this?
Smile and think of all the good things in life.