This is the first time I decided to write my feelings or what my self-wanted to express most. It’s not new to me to hide all things by myself, my sufferings, emotions, I had the difficulty of expressing them. I don’t know how to construct words, making a good story for me to be understood. I’m just a little of introvert if not, a very introvert person.
I know all my stories, but having trouble dealing with them and to how to express in the easiest way it could be for me. I tried to get out of my shell, but sometimes things just happened that made me go back from where I have been. I got carried away from this absurd character and I’m afraid not being understood at all.
Sometimes, think I’ve become an alien. I hope this is just a manifestation of me, probably the funniest part of me that you would like.
You know, I’m just a kind of a persistent man, don’t know when and how to give up. If I find some little possibility I just can’t seem to stop until I get there. I think I just need to be told, that’s not all the time, the world will side with me. I also hate being left dangling, floating and not knowing when to land.
Lately, for the past many months, I’m so down. I know I’m giving myself a very hard time. It’s like punishing myself for things that I don’t know what to do as a reward. I just wanted to quit everything, my work, my life.
I guess I got this difficulty since my childhood were other children used to bully me and called me a brat. Since then I have developed myself not to tell my mother of the pains that I get thru. I always eat the sting by myself, and not letting anyone share it because I am greedy for my own agony. It was easy for me to swear more than I could ever sweat.
When I was assigned to work in a new place, I was very lonely. All I could see are just the four corners of the room. There’s no sky nor other people. I could barely see the sun if I won’t get down on the 23rd floor. It’s like I’ve been imprisoned for 6 months. I know, it was nobody’s mistake, blame on me because I didn’t try to see the world. I was so used to sit in the dark corners of my own world.
You should know, there are only a few people where I can confide with, even though I wanted to. Whenever I find myself trying to start, it feels like I’m going to end my story nearly. The thing is, I just wanted to find myself cause I’m lost track already. And I am telling you this because you are one of those very few I could trust.