Recently, I have to ask myself what kind of person I have been presenting to this world. Why I feel that I’ve been completely misjudged? Have I failed to show the real me? Have they found out that I am holding on to each little atom in my system to appear the world that I am tough, that they can’t break me? and for that reason, have they thought of me like raindrops dripping on a stone that eventually dries up?
But I am not always like that. See, I have my high and low moment.
You might think at every turn I am strong, but I have been quite vulnerable.
I cannot stop to believe, that the world I live in only cares about what it can get from me.
I function like I am fighting on, but there were instances that I want to leave off.
Sometimes, I hate the sound of time and responsibility, it wears me down.
I always laugh and smile, but in a grey, cold day, I cried a lot.
While surrounded with people, I still find some empty faces that I couldn’t trust.
I ruled my mind of being okay to be alone, but deep inside, I despise the winding lanes of desolation, afraid where the future can take me.
I never followed all my dreams, never leads the way, and here I am pretending as an example whom you aim to be.
Look, never assume that I can accept everything you implied because now and then I can be close-minded, intolerant, impatient, selfish and plainly insensible.
Don’t be blind for what you see on me because I have so many names and at the mercy of the whim you will never understand me.
I am telling you this with sincerity, I have no time to play your silly games and just wouldn’t dance with your pretense. I can be your friend today and might be your enemy someday. I cannot promise to stay forever because I know myself I have the tendency to walk away. But if you hold on to me, I will do the same.
Every day, I am literally trying to hold on, to what it means. I have all the courage in this word to be me, so don’t judge me easily, you might just know my name, but not my whole story.