SOMETHING TO YEARN

Three days ago was my 39th birthday.  Before I decided to celebrate and be the spotlight of the day, I was pondering little things about what this year is going to bring.  I think, the feelings raised from being nostalgic, I just returned from my vacation in the Philippines and I’ve been feeling gloomy for weeks.

When my father asked me when will I settle back in the Philippines, I have nothing to answer. It’s not the first time I have asked, some friends do the same questioning too. Honestly, I really want to stay for good. I have never liked going back and forth carrying the same baggage of longing and sadness. Even for nine years of hello and goodbye, still, the feeling is the same – tragic.

Then I ask myself, when? what are my plans? now that I am not getting any younger, must have laid the things to be done and be prepared.  Well, there are so many things to do, plans? I have more on the list, I just don’t know how and when to start. Am I lacking inspiration? Maybe financial incapacity? or am I just scared to take risks and frightened to feel regrets? But no matter how much I think, I still couldn’t fathom.

I believe there is no perfect outcome when it comes to what we should do with our lives because sometimes what we have planned is not will happen, and that frustrates us more. But I know every person has “something” that keeps them on their toes, gives them a high, and keeps them thrilled. We just don’t need to stop looking and making it happen.

For another year that God gave me, I am with gratefulness. I still have something that my heart wants to do, and I will never stop yearning. I know, that when the perfect time comes, everything will be spontaneous with God’s grace.

Happy new life to all of us!

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