Category Archives: AS A WOMAN

CHILDHOOD WISH

When I was young

I never have the chance to play with dolls
Because we don’t have a lot of bucks
I played only jump rope and tags
I kicked the cans and laugh out loud.

When I got the job

And have enough cash
I bought these little dolls, one by one
Sometimes I played with them remembering my past
If I could just turn back, how wonderful it would last.

But I never regret what has been done
Even without the dolls, friends had come
There are always good memories to talk about
When we made and played only with the paper doll.

So my little pretty ones
You came late, but I got you now
You filled up my childhood wish
Thank you, I have some fun.

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DARE to LOVE

 

How dare you
to let me love you,

play the games
and be a fool,

when you belong
to someone else,

I couldn’t have you
till the end.

How dare I let myself
so shame for overplaying

why it’s so hard to end

when I just need
to pull the string.

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In response to the Daily Challenge: DARING

TIRED.

She sat across from me, looking exhausted and defeated.

“I am horribly tired.” she said.

“Not again” I sighed.

Her grumble hit a familiar chord, as if her words echoed within me.

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Some guys wonder why we are crazy.  Well, they just have to pick their favorite type.

My bittersweet

You are my bittersweet burns through my heart.

Always asking myself when this will last.

You are my favorite mistake, my bittersweet ache.

I know one day, we will be apart.

 

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FLEETING LIGHT

I remember you,
Remember not
All the things you have done,
In an instant
In its purpose
It’s all in my mind.

I remember you,
Remember not
All the things you haven’t done,
Without hesitation
Without care
All out from my mind.

I remember you,
Remember not
Because of my fleeting heart
You are saved from this light.

 

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In response to the Daily Post: FLEETING

I AM SO SORRY

I am grateful that in my jaded life, he came along unexpectedly, accepting me for the things that I have and have-not, for the things that I can give enough and couldn’t give him much. And now, I am putting him in the picture, advocating for something that would see how the relationship budge for long years.

The relationship upholds amazingly by hoping for each other that we could be together someday. The distance serves the fence for all the chances we could do and enjoy, but this distance helped me to believe that maybe, there is really LOVE existing in this imperfect universe. That for millions of billions of people, God hold back one for us.

On the whole, I have to admit that I loved him. It was not a difficult task, it’s the easiest thing to do in this world, just to love. But what seize the hardship is when the relationship experience a stony road along the way. And that is my dread.

But sometimes to dread is to learn, and to learn is to accept the things that cannot be changed.

Never thought of this day would come to just go off and never think about him anymore. Maybe moving on is so easy when you have so many things in hand. I couldn’t sustain the relationship anymore, I couldn’t trust. Things have been changing and I can’t go back from the past.

I am so sorry, but I am not in love with you anymore.

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FREEDOM

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One day, I will be FREE.

 

How do you fuel the fires of optimism? In response to the Photo Challenge: Optimistic

 

 

Not everybody can be like me.

When one of my so-called friend said “it’s better not to have kids than to have one without a husband or a father”, I could feel my blood is about to shatter in my veins. What the heck is she talking about? In my defense, I would say “It’s better not to have a cheater husband than to suffer for the rest of my life”.

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Another acquaintance told me that I should find someone new because it’s hard to sleep alone every night. That no matter what, I would be always lonely in my bed. My blood wasn’t about to explode that time because there is a half-truth of it. Yes, at first it was hard to endure, there were times you really wanted to have someone beside you if you go to bed or when you wake up the next day. I slept with some of my boyfriends, and to be honest, my life has never changed while I’m still with them, I still couldn’t find peace. Sex is not always matter, it’s not all about what had happened in the bedroom makes you happy, you can’t just live like that.

So if somebody would tell me again about it, I would say, I was able to sleep soundly & deeply now without someone beside me. It’s uncomfortable to have someone near me snoring!

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Being a single Parent, I have faced some issues in my life;  from supporting my son alone, from the reaction of people, from the notion that I wasn’t good enough, with these & that coming from people who have no idea the whole story of my life. At first it was really appalling and annoying, but somehow I have proven my worth, not everybody can be like me, so what the hell.

HEAVEN KNOWS

“Lately I have had a lot days filled with tedium and whines,
all of them lead me to talk to God with anxiety and a little accusation.

Probably because I have had something in my heart that have gone astray
no matter how much I beg Him about it.

Comparing my situation with that of another is all I could ever do
because a day with this is a day of my hopelessness.

I was asking Him why in my prayers, it was just incompletely answered,
why He can’t give it everything to me?

In desperation, I utter words of Him being one-sided,
I challenge Him to give it all & He’ll see how I can handle it with care.

Until now, God’s plan has been peculiar for me,
Yet, inimitable but full of wonder.

He is more than we can imagine, inevitability,
And no matter of thousands how

Only Heaven knows to answer the whys.”

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I WANT IT ALL, I WANT IT NOW.

After I have moved to my new room, I have gotten enough sleep for 3 nights.

It feels good.

As if I don’t care what’s on the outside.

I wish this would keep happening, even slight without changing.

But

I feel I am depress.

I want to hide.

I want to stay still.

I want a good change.

I want to be someone else,

who is a fighter

a maker

a doer

a fearless.

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Journey is joyful but….

HARD.

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Leaving the people you love behind is worse than you can imagine. You don’t want to say goodbye, to look back or even to wave because it will make your heart fall apart. Though I’m doing this scenario for 8 years, but still, I feel the sadness and pain, still I cry for it.

Goodbye my dear Philippines, till I come back again. I am missing everything & everyone already.

Hello Dubai.

LONELY 103

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How I wish you’re here…

To pat my shoulders
Caress my head
Kiss my cheeks.

How I wish you’re close..

To squeeze me tight
See me cry
Makes me smile.

I wish there’s no wall
No others
Only just you and I.

LONELY 102

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I am sick and i feel so alone.
I wish I have my mom beside me, a father would carry me, a son would make me smile or someone who would just sit beside me and console me that everything will be fine.

I wish I don’t feel alone tonight, but I am.

Just peace

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What makes it difficult with your power, a single snap of your magic wand to let this man appear in my front?
Was it difficult to find a good one?
Or maybe it was not at all in your plan?
I asked you not because I don’t trust You. I am just impatient to know where’s my heart about to run.
I want to love with hope, knowing that I can still have the person next, without being sure that soon he will gone.
I want to set my heart to a direction where I can find ease. I just need my heart feel at peace. Just peace.

LONELY 101

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I have decided to make a journal from now on every time I am feeling lonesome. I don’t know what’s matter with me for this past few weeks; it’s not that I am experiencing menopausal period which I firmly believe is still far from that possibility. I just feel like this.

Behavior:

  1. Am lazy especially at work. I don’t feel the enthusiasm to do what I am supposed especially if there is no one around to supervise my actions.
  2. I eat a lot. I didn’t think of how to lose my weight again, back to 45 kilos. I am like 47.5 now.
  3. I want to stay at my bed all the time rather than to chit-chat.
  4. I feel like the day is just passing by and hate to realize nothing has ever changed in my life.
  5. I hate listening to someone’s trouble and woe. It makes me sick.
  6. I want to be alone.
  7. Keep on dreaming about dead people. I can’t even pray for them.
  8. I feel guilty on something. How am I supposed to figure it out?
  9. I couldn’t cry.
  10. I keep on thinking ’bout my folks & son back home.

I know I am not depress.  I am just lonely, maybe?

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“Ber” months.

Does the start of the “ber” months bring you hope and optimism?

I just have noticed that today is 15th of SeptemBER. Usually everyone recognizes this month because it signifies that Christmas is coming. Maybe this year has been a roller coaster ride for us and it is certainly not lacking in trials and challenges, but do you look forward the last few months of the year more positively now that Christmas is just around the corner?

Some of us the start of the month of September brings a glimmer of hope and faith and there are more of us, OFW just take it as an ordinary day.

Working in a Muslin Country which has no Christmas public holiday is really a gloomy celebration for us. Some are still working on the 25th day. Lucky are those who have an employer who knows how to respect the culture of others.

As for me I have been celebrating the Christmas away from home for 5 years and it will add another this year. I truly miss celebrating it with my family and I almost forgot how it feels to be. This is the real situation. Painful and yet we need to be brave.

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I LOVE ABOUT YOU

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  1. The way you can get me out of a bad mood. You know how to make me smile.
  2. You always reminded me how beautiful I am.
  3. Our nights in.
  4. That your letters never fail to make me smile and cry.
  5. The way you smell and look sexy when you just had a shower.
  6. You’re a loyal friend.
  7. Always followed my instructions.
  8. Your different way to please me.
  9. How natural things seem between us
  10. When you utter the words “I love you” to me. It sounds forever

BORROWED TIME

I have loved you and still loving you

But my love has limitations when it comes to you.

From the very start I know what I have been doing

I know exactly with you where I am going.

I have set my heart into freedom of loving you

Believing that one day I must let you go.

I grab the possibility of being happy today

And just deal the circumstance of being hurt someday.

You can say I didn’t love you completely

It is because I need to give myself less weary.

Yes I am ready to lose you

I hope you will accept it too.

Don’t make this hard for both of us

Somehow we need to pay the price.

We had the best of times in our life

And now is the time to say goodbye.

 

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You need to tell her.

You have to tell your girl how you feel, even if you think you are showing it every day. You just need to say it because you will not die after telling it. If you think that it would make you weak in her sight, I am sure you got it wrong; she will appreciate you more than you can imagine.

If you don’t tell her now, she will find some other guy that will say everything she needed to hear from you. So don’t be sorry, don’t blame her but yourself.

Don’t lose out on a love by not saying I LOVE YOU. Go and tell her now.

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