‘If I could go the distance,
my life would be different,
I can imagine, that’s how it happened’
I fell for you!
“I felt her absence. It was like waking up one day with no teeth in your mouth. You wouldn’t need to run to the mirror to know they were gone.”
Can you tell me your name?
Cos you always appeared in my dream
It makes me feel insane
Waking up without knowing you well.
I’m staring out the ceiling now
Recalling what has been in my sleep
Kissing my lips seems so real
Oh, I really don’t want to get up near.
Who are you?
Can you tell me your name?
Where are you?
Let me find you and end this feigned.
Let’s stop this longing and find each other
Let’s cross our path
Though I am here and you out there.
I wasn’t pretending that night. I just don’t want to stop you.
I had no intention to like you, it just happened out of nowhere. I admit I had a bad moment with my past love, settling my heart in forceful resolution, thinking it would just pass, looking for something I could divert off and hoping to forget at least a few minutes of my sad life.
I was drinking too much that night, swaying my blues over the facade charmed of alcohol while clinging to your shoulder. Yes, I was drunk, but I know, how it feels good to touch you.
I felt dizzy and was about to flop, but you were there leading me to my bedroom, holding me close. I know it was you and not him. It wasn’t hard to recognize the difference; the smell, the touch, the grip…
You were smoothing my hair… whispering me to sleep. No way I can’t stop you, that’s been all I need, you have comforted me.
Then I felt your lips on my head. It was enough to let me sleep.
I know tomorrow will never be the same my friend. I know.
I knew she had an affair with a possessive man. I knew she wanted to end the relationship, but never had. I know I can take her away from him. How? I just knew.
Two summers have gone when I first met her. The moment she entered that door, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. My gazes followed her moves, it became a shadow. I hate to say this, but I was struck by her own lightning.
It wasn’t hard to talk to her, she was full of brightness. After the day I saw her, talked to her and became her friend, I could no longer cease her in my mind. I know I shouldn’t do it. I don’t want to steal someone’s else partner nor to hurt Zenny, but I just want it as much as I couldn’t fight it. My feeling was not enough to control, I don’t even know how to avoid it.
I may sound jerk, but I tried to break up with Zenny before I could give way to what I feel. I told her I could no longer sustain the relationship, but never mentioned about the new girl. I asked her to give me space, not to break free, but to fill it for something else. I never tried to say I don’t love her any longer, instead I told someone’s else the opposite.
Zenny never said yes, I just assumed she understood. Sometimes, I do really hate her persistence and yes, you can hate me too for my shallow heart. I’m okay with that.
To be Continued…
Life is so cruel. More to it, it will never tell you what is coming and no matter how much you wanted things to happen, sometimes it will never go in your direction. It will hit you far from, stab you and sink so deep within. It is painful and unbearable.
I wish I could die today. Everything is covered with darkness. I can only see holes, where I wanted to escape from this tremendous throbbing reality – holes of death, the way to end it for me. I can still see Stephen in my dreary mind with the new girl, not just a girl but he soon wife to be.
How this thing happens in one blink? and becomes a lifetime of sorrow?
What did I do wrong? Why I didn’t comprehend this thing will happen?
Why? why? I want to stop asking myself and just drift apart from this heartbreak.
“Zeny! Zeny!” I woke up when I heard my sister’s Shane voice knocking at my bedroom door.
“Zeny! Zeny!” She shouted.
I lifelessly stoop up and opened her.
“What happen? “She asked.
I stared at her. Of course she still doesn’t know what had happened. I am pretty sure she will be devastated. Shane loves Stephen as a brother, and just like me she was waiting for his return too impatiently. I was about to open my mouth to explain when she cut me down.
“Stephen is on the phone, he wants to speak with you.” She said eagerly. “I thought you two met already at the airport, what happen to your eyes? Did you cry Zeny?”
Oh God, I need to tell her. But I think I couldn’t. Tears just run down to my cheeks again and am starting to sob.
“Zenny…” she whispered. She couldn’t hide her fears, it might be her first time seeing me ruin. I slowly walked to reach the phone, Stephen is waiting. Maybe he will explain and tell me what’s going on. Or perhaps this is just a dream and he will tell me everything is fine, that he’s not getting married, that he still loves me. Wake up Zenny! I told myself, please wake up!
As I start to hold the phone up to my ear, I could hear my heart trembling so fast, so fast that I could hear only his husky voice, the voice that I thought would only whisper my name, the voice that I am afraid to lose.
“Zenny.. can we talk?” he asked.
“Step..…” and I cried.
I am all preparing this day. I am going to meet him.
There are lots of people in the airport arrival waiting area, everyone is smiling. Of course I have my best dress on and a little make up. I only put it on for him. I miss him so much and I have been waiting for more than a year of his return.
Stephen is my long distance boyfriend. But before that, we have been best of friends turned into lovers, and when his family didn’t surpass the financial crisis, he resolved himself to help them by working abroad.
For all you know, it wasn’t an easy option for me to accept, but since this is one of the inevitable realities of life, I just acknowledged it as part of my loyalty to his love.
The two years of long distance communication wasn’t that simple, same to sustain the trust is indisputably difficult, but for Stephen, I was able to comprehend everything. And now I am going to meet him after all the dreadful days of waiting.
I am going to surprise him. He didn’t say to me personally that he is coming back today. His sister Nancy just informed me. Of course I am not upset with him for not letting me know, I know Stephen, he loves to surprise me.
The time has come. I saw Stephen. I am standing very close to the arrival area. A woman is walking with him, clinging in his arm, leaning her head on his shoulder. Both of them are waving in my opposite direction, I follow, and I saw Nancy looking at me with a shameful, sad eyes.
“I’m sorry Zenny, what you see is Stephen and his soon wife to be – Nancy”
I got the txt message and I just stared at the ground.
Can’t see Stephen right now. Tears are cruelly pouring down.