Yours, Introverted Friend

This is the first time I decided to write my feelings or what my self-wanted to express most. It’s not new to me to hide all things by myself, my sufferings, emotions, I had the difficulty of expressing them. I don’t know how to construct words, making a good story for me to be understood. I’m just a little of introvert if not, a very introvert person.

I know all my stories, but having trouble dealing with them and to how to express in the easiest way it could be for me.  I tried to get out of my shell, but sometimes things just happened that made me go back from where I have been. I got carried away from this absurd character and I’m afraid not being understood at all.

Sometimes, think I’ve become an alien. I hope this is just a manifestation of me, probably the funniest part of me that you would like.

You know, I’m just a kind of a persistent man, don’t know when and how to give up. If I find some little possibility I just can’t seem to stop until I get there. I think I just need to be told, that’s not all the time, the world will side with me. I also hate being left dangling, floating and not knowing when to land.

Lately, for the past many months, I’m so down.  I know I’m giving myself a very hard time. It’s like punishing myself for things that I don’t know what to do as a reward. I just wanted to quit everything, my work, my life.

I guess I got this difficulty since my childhood were other children used to bully me and called me a brat. Since then I have developed myself not to tell my mother of the pains that I get thru. I always eat the sting by myself, and not letting anyone share it because I am greedy for my own agony. It was easy for me to swear more than I could ever sweat.

When I was assigned to work in a new place, I was very lonely. All I could see are just the four corners of the room. There’s no sky nor other people. I could barely see the sun if I won’t get down on the 23rd floor. It’s like I’ve been imprisoned for 6 months. I know, it was nobody’s mistake, blame on me because I didn’t try to see the world. I was so used to sit in the dark corners of my own world.

You should know, there are only a few people where I can confide with, even though I wanted to. Whenever I find myself trying to start, it feels like I’m going to end my story nearly. The thing is, I just wanted to find myself cause I’m lost track already.  And I am telling you this because you are one of those very few I could trust.

Yours,

Introverted Friend

 

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Next: Reply from an extroverted friend.

 

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE

“Don’t pull away from the rest of the world.
For those of you that are out there,
with no friends,
with no one to support you,
those who are being neglected.

You are never alone.

Somewhere on this earth,
there is ALWAYS someone who is there for you.

There is always someone that cares about you and feels your pain.
There is always someone that will understand your story.

Don’t be afraid to come out of your shell.
Don’t be afraid to interact with people.
Don’t be afraid to be who you are.”

 

I am ALONE. I am STRONG.

Such a long weekend, she thought. While everybody is planning where to spend the holiday, she doesn’t have any plans at all. Nothing seems to interest her nowadays, everything is repetitive and boring. At times, her mind was being cranky that she have known the same people as if no one is new, nothing is to be excited about, she feels that she’s been trapped to same traces and faces. This feeling is not new to her, it always comes and goes.

Two days passed, she never received any invitations from her friends. No one bothered also to organize a getaway, well, she was the one who usually does the arrangement and her friends will just go with her plans, so how can she wait? For once, she doesn’t want to take the lead, she just likes to follow the trail.

When she feels her body is throbbing from sleeping, she got up, took a bath and went out.  She can’t stand it anymore. She has to be thankful for the free day and good weather. She has to do things even when being alone, enjoy it and never expected anyone to give her delight.

She ended the day with a little gratifying. She was able to go out, wander around and dine alone. Well, eating by herself outside is a challenge to her. While everyone is sharing the food together, it makes her a little bit lonely that she has no one to share, as much as possible, she doesn’t dine alone in the public, takeout is her ultimate comfort zone. But that day, she made it without feeling isolated in the middle of the crowds.

She realized that not all the time you can rely on to anyone. They said friends are always there to cheer you up, but these friends have their own life too. They have their issues to be solved, and days to relish by their own, they have kids and husband to take care of, they have boyfriends to please, they have work to finish, and same with her, they might suffer the same tedium she felt and just waiting for something new to happen. The world is not just revolving around her.

So be strong when this moment comes, because no one can help you, but yourself.  There is nothing wrong to be alone sometimes, it is the chance you can date and hang out with our own because there are so much to discover, learn and to love.

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I’m high

 

It’s 4am and still up. I think I’m a little high from the medicine I took. High is better than overdose! Hate this cough & colds every winter. More than I hate of wanting to sleep and just couldn’t. Ahhhh, shit!

Not everybody can be like me.

When one of my so-called friend said “it’s better not to have kids than to have one without a husband or a father”, I could feel my blood is about to shatter in my veins. What the heck is she talking about? In my defense, I would say “It’s better not to have a cheater husband than to suffer for the rest of my life”.

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Another acquaintance told me that I should find someone new because it’s hard to sleep alone every night. That no matter what, I would be always lonely in my bed. My blood wasn’t about to explode that time because there is a half-truth of it. Yes, at first it was hard to endure, there were times you really wanted to have someone beside you if you go to bed or when you wake up the next day. I slept with some of my boyfriends, and to be honest, my life has never changed while I’m still with them, I still couldn’t find peace. Sex is not always matter, it’s not all about what had happened in the bedroom makes you happy, you can’t just live like that.

So if somebody would tell me again about it, I would say, I was able to sleep soundly & deeply now without someone beside me. It’s uncomfortable to have someone near me snoring!

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Being a single Parent, I have faced some issues in my life;  from supporting my son alone, from the reaction of people, from the notion that I wasn’t good enough, with these & that coming from people who have no idea the whole story of my life. At first it was really appalling and annoying, but somehow I have proven my worth, not everybody can be like me, so what the hell.

The Ex-Wife Outsider

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I always feel outsider every time the ladies talked about their husbands & marital affairs. Because I am a single Parent, I could only share my past, which they knew it already. Sometimes I envy them, but most of the time, I just feel like lucky enough that I don’t have to deal any difficulties with any man. I can see things much better now.

The Daily Prompt: The Ex-Wife Outsider

I WANT IT ALL, I WANT IT NOW.

After I have moved to my new room, I have gotten enough sleep for 3 nights.

It feels good.

As if I don’t care what’s on the outside.

I wish this would keep happening, even slight without changing.

But

I feel I am depress.

I want to hide.

I want to stay still.

I want a good change.

I want to be someone else,

who is a fighter

a maker

a doer

a fearless.

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GOOD HARD!

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I took a step and didn’t want to take any more, but I did.

To be honest, in my 7 years here in Dubai, I have gone 4 times of moving from one place to another.  And I just had my fifth time yesterday. Oh well, It wasn’t easy, physically & financially, it’s all draining.

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They said, new house is a new beginning. Is it?  I would try to figure it out-again.

Alone 104

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I feel like I wanted to eat alone today.
The mall is crowded with people, perhaps celebrating the Valentine’s Day, and I am here alone, watching them pass between my eyes and wondering what’s behind with their smiles.

I feel a little blue. When there is something to celebrate I usually have this thing inside my heart; longing of something, of someone, of miracle. But I know all of this will surpass.

Well I still love the burger, at least it makes my stomach satisfied.

LITTLE PRINCE

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– Judge yourself. That is the most difficult thing of all. It is much more difficult to judge oneself than to judge others. If you succeed in judging yourself rightly, then you are indeed a man of true wisdom.

– Conceited people never hear anything but Praise.

-Men have no more time to understand anything.  They buy things all ready -made at the shops.  But there is no shop anywhere where you can buy friendship.

-What is essential is invisible to the eye.

-No one is ever satisfied where he is.

-But the eyes are blind.  One must look with the heart.

FIVE ITEMS

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A classic question: what are the five items you mush have on a deserted island?

  1. Water. A lot of them.
  2. Music. It should be a music player with solar-powered.
  3. Books & Pad. A book allows you to travel with imagination to other places while being stuck on an island. You can do all the writings too.
  4. Sunscreen. To avoid getting hopelessly burned in the sun.
  5. Survival kit like knife, medicines etc.
#365 days of writing prompts#
5 items to bring

ALONE 103

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What I like being alone is I don’t have to think other people during meal times. I can eat whatever and wherever I want. I can cook for myself or just go to the mall’s food court which situated only on the backside from my flat. Still feeling gratitude.