TURBULENCE IN HEART

I asked myself when this gonna stop

because sadness started to unravel, one thread at a time.

No matter how much I cried,

even after consoling my heart,

still, my longing wouldn’t fade it out.

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Just like the plane hit a lot of clouds during my flight,

going back to reality gives me the emotional turbulence

 I have never ever liked.

Missing home.

YOU LIE IN APRIL (Anime)

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Your Lie in April is the story of Kousei, a young piano prodigy who, after the death of his mother, had a mental breakdown and ultimately lost the ability to hear the music he played. Three years later, he meets his playboy best friend’s new girlfriend, Kaori—a free-spirited violinist who makes it her life’s mission to rekindle Kousei’s lost love for performing music on stage.

Your lie in April is a love story of two flawed teens brought together by their love of music. As I considered, this drama shows us the totally raging of two different situations; the battle of illness and the deep remorse of a child who was abused for the sake of his music.

I would call it also a deceitful masterpiece wherein at first it appears light-hearted, the songs are quite adorable, the visual was full of colorful pastels that lead you to the idea of being in love again, and yet it was more than that. The story is quite deeper, emotional and totally bittersweet.Though, there two sides who debated on this show- those who absolutely love it, and those that strongly dislike it, well I’m on the side of liking it. The characters of our spirited violinist who is confident, beautiful, fragile, strong-willed, and with Kosei’s black and white life, it was all simply blended into a chord of a vibrant journey.

With good art, music, likable characters and pain, I give this 9/10.

Spoiler: Why lie in April?  It’s all there in Kaori’s letter to Kousei.

EMBRACE YOUR FEELINGS

I stop apologizing for having feelings.

I don’ care if you have seen my feelings as a character flaw and a weakness. I don’t mind if you looked down on me for having emotions of sulkiness.  I accepted the blunder that I have given you the opportunity to bruise me, but I am not giving my sorry when I am not okay.

I cannot cover up my vulnerability. I can’t be cruel enough to myself. Those who can’t accept my emotions and have a hard time dealing with me and have no intention to foster both side’s feelings, then let’s put the history down to the dirty sink. And yes, it would be better for all of us.

I don’t need to apologize for what I am.

It’s not my problem when you don’t understand a single thing about my emotions. Maybe you can’t fathom because we are no longer on the same level. While every person is different, a conversation needs to start out rather than an apology, but it never happened. Resentment has been piled up, misunderstanding mixed-up, I have never blamed anyone to my defense, but for my own sentiment.

I cannot apologize for the friendship lost, instead, I want to speak my gratitude.

Thank you for all the shared memories of laughter, for the sadness, and for everything in between. I appreciate all of the things you do, big and small. Thank you for making me doubt myself, wondering what I meant to you all along, whether I was just a convenience for your own time or mine.

Thanks a ton for letting me think far what is the true meaning of friendship and relationship, the essence of when to hold and to let go. Thank you for making me realized there’s nothing wrong to snug the corners of our lives, keeping who’s important and give up who isn’t.

For all of this, thank you for making me embrace my feelings.

I bid mine goodbye for everything. Let’s grow apart and keep moving forward.

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PLAYFUL KISS (K-drama 2010)

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Based on the popular manga, Oh Ha Ni is a clumsy student who falls for the perfectionist, Baek Seung Jo. However, Seung Jo is indifferent towards her and rejects her love. When Ha Ni’s house collapses, she and her father move into his long-time friend’s house. It turns out that Seung Jo is the friend’s son and Ha Ni is given the opportunity to be near the guy she loves.

There really isn’t much I can say about this drama other than the plot is shallow, but the characters were fun and cute. I think it was enough to justify the show when you expressly enjoyed only the pretty faces of the actors.

In this drama, all you can do is just sit back, don’t mind the empty shell of the story, feel the spirit of being young at heart and enjoy some of the exciting lovely moments.

Verdict: 7/10

NO ONE LIKES END.

If your heart hurts a little after letting go of someone or something, that’s okay. It just means that your feelings were genuine. No one likes ends. And no one likes pain.

But sometimes we have to put things that were once good to an end after they turn toxic to our wellbeing.  Not every new beginning is meant to last forever. And not every person who walks into your life is meant to stay.

-Najwa Zebian-

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SWEETHEART

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Gabee & John

We always teased them that they won’t last together, pestering the guy that he doesn’t deserve her or advising the girl to leave him as soon as she can. Of course, there was no issue at all. Merely, we are just being playful with them and they knew it.

I’ve known them for more than four years now and I still find them cool and comfy to be with. We lived together in one roof before and I can’t think any bad scenario I had with them. That’s why I hate those people who judge them easily without any significant reasons.

This sweetheart has been together for a long time. I don’t know what is the secret, but I think it’s about how they behave with each other. I’m pretty sure that they are the best of friends and they can laugh at themselves when life throws them curves. I have never seen them shouting nor insulting each other in front of people. Maybe because they keep their arguments private and resolved by their own. I never heard them speaking ill to each other, and seeing like this, is such a beautiful sight.

We are just waiting for them to ring the bells. Until then, the teasing will never stop and it’s okay, because we knew, they sheltered enough their relationship with love and trust.

Hopefully, no storms can hit them down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I AM NOT FINE

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Image credit to the owner

I’m not fine.

It’s not okay.

I don’t want to talk about it.

I am not ready to share it with you.

Give me some time.

I need space for a while.

I don’t want to see you.

I feel bad.

 

I think it’s okay to say all these words. We should at least stop hiding our feelings for a while to catch our breath and release the tension. Let’s honor our emotions and sometimes let them flow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

HIS FAVORITE SURPRISE

It was such a lovely day. All her friends and family gathered together to celebrate the most awaiting day. Never in her life, she imagined she would meet someone exactly the person she longs to have; good, kind and handsome. Not that he only accepted her, but everyone around in her life. It was the miracle she was wishing for. To have someone who will call her own.

Everyone is smiling, wishing them well, sharing the incontestable feelings as if their prayers have been answered as well.  There was no hesitation, no looking back because the past is something to be learned, but the present is more significant.

Promises are made, but not to be broken.

Love will never be weakened.

Always ready to face the approaching dares and will never forget the affirmations made.

Love is made to be loyal, faithful and joyful.

It must be respected. It needs to be enjoyed.

“I have prepared everything in my life, but you, I never see you coming. You are my most favorite surprise.” He said.

I woke up with the sound of my alarm clock, damn, we should have kissed!

 

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Photo by: Tzardy

 

 

Yours, Introverted Friend

This is the first time I decided to write my feelings or what my self-wanted to express most. It’s not new to me to hide all things by myself, my sufferings, emotions, I had the difficulty of expressing them. I don’t know how to construct words, making a good story for me to be understood. I’m just a little of introvert if not, a very introvert person.

I know all my stories, but having trouble dealing with them and to how to express in the easiest way it could be for me.  I tried to get out of my shell, but sometimes things just happened that made me go back from where I have been. I got carried away from this absurd character and I’m afraid not being understood at all.

Sometimes, think I’ve become an alien. I hope this is just a manifestation of me, probably the funniest part of me that you would like.

You know, I’m just a kind of a persistent man, don’t know when and how to give up. If I find some little possibility I just can’t seem to stop until I get there. I think I just need to be told, that’s not all the time, the world will side with me. I also hate being left dangling, floating and not knowing when to land.

Lately, for the past many months, I’m so down.  I know I’m giving myself a very hard time. It’s like punishing myself for things that I don’t know what to do as a reward. I just wanted to quit everything, my work, my life.

I guess I got this difficulty since my childhood were other children used to bully me and called me a brat. Since then I have developed myself not to tell my mother of the pains that I get thru. I always eat the sting by myself, and not letting anyone share it because I am greedy for my own agony. It was easy for me to swear more than I could ever sweat.

When I was assigned to work in a new place, I was very lonely. All I could see are just the four corners of the room. There’s no sky nor other people. I could barely see the sun if I won’t get down on the 23rd floor. It’s like I’ve been imprisoned for 6 months. I know, it was nobody’s mistake, blame on me because I didn’t try to see the world. I was so used to sit in the dark corners of my own world.

You should know, there are only a few people where I can confide with, even though I wanted to. Whenever I find myself trying to start, it feels like I’m going to end my story nearly. The thing is, I just wanted to find myself cause I’m lost track already.  And I am telling you this because you are one of those very few I could trust.

Yours,

Introverted Friend

 

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Next: Reply from an extroverted friend.

 

WHEN HE WANTS TO BE ALONE

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“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway… let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.”

  ― C. JoyBell C.

I DREAM OF YOU.

A green, elongated, legless with deadly eyes has been chasing me for hours.  I know what it is. I know it can cause my death. I’m so terrified, I couldn’t even scream for help. I can still move, run here and there, avoiding to be swallowed, outing for my survival.  Then, unexpectedly, the poisonous eyes closed, down to the ground, wheezing and now it has been put inside the box; locked and isolated, probably lifeless.

I saw him. He had the bat. He strikes and killed the venomous snake.  He’s my knight in shining armor. I wonder who he was, he wasn’t familiar at all. I never had the chance to thank him, or even asked his name.

When he can still sense that I am still frightened, he unlocked the box and grip the snake out. With his strong hand, he jiggled it and said, “see, it’s dead”.

I glared at it, making sure it would never come back to me. But all of a sudden the dead serpent turned into a human being – the face of the person I truly hate; the gossiper, the traitor, the pretender and self-righteous ex-friend.

I know, she’s always been the serpent.

I woke up with the happy hiss. I’m glad she was dead in my dream.

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Ahjussi

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“I have an Ahjussi.

When I see the Ahjussi, I’d feel… how do I describe the feeling?

Like a warm blanket, like the morning sun.

You know what I mean?

And someone else is… a little hated but still okay.

His personality is very annoying, but he’s not a bad person.

Sometimes I like him, but sometimes I don’t.”

He is a good friend, I can never ask for more.