EMBRACE YOUR FEELINGS

I stop apologizing for having feelings.

I don’ care if you have seen my feelings as a character flaw and a weakness. I don’t mind if you looked down on me for having emotions of sulkiness.  I accepted the blunder that I have given you the opportunity to bruise me, but I am not giving my sorry when I am not okay.

I cannot cover up my vulnerability. I can’t be cruel enough to myself. Those who can’t accept my emotions and have a hard time dealing with me and have no intention to foster both side’s feelings, then let’s put the history down to the dirty sink. And yes, it would be better for all of us.

I don’t need to apologize for what I am.

It’s not my problem when you don’t understand a single thing about my emotions. Maybe you can’t fathom because we are no longer on the same level. While every person is different, a conversation needs to start out rather than an apology, but it never happened. Resentment has been piled up, misunderstanding mixed-up, I have never blamed anyone to my defense, but for my own sentiment.

I cannot apologize for the friendship lost, instead, I want to speak my gratitude.

Thank you for all the shared memories of laughter, for the sadness, and for everything in between. I appreciate all of the things you do, big and small. Thank you for making me doubt myself, wondering what I meant to you all along, whether I was just a convenience for your own time or mine.

Thanks a ton for letting me think far what is the true meaning of friendship and relationship, the essence of when to hold and to let go. Thank you for making me realized there’s nothing wrong to snug the corners of our lives, keeping who’s important and give up who isn’t.

For all of this, thank you for making me embrace my feelings.

I bid mine goodbye for everything. Let’s grow apart and keep moving forward.

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SOMETHING TO YEARN

Three days ago was my 39th birthday.  Before I decided to celebrate and be the spotlight of the day, I was pondering little things about what this year is going to bring.  I think, the feelings raised from being nostalgic, I just returned from my vacation in the Philippines and I’ve been feeling gloomy for weeks.

When my father asked me when will I settle back in the Philippines, I have nothing to answer. It’s not the first time I have asked, some friends do the same questioning too. Honestly, I really want to stay for good. I have never liked going back and forth carrying the same baggage of longing and sadness. Even for nine years of hello and goodbye, still, the feeling is the same – tragic.

Then I ask myself, when? what are my plans? now that I am not getting any younger, must have laid the things to be done and be prepared.  Well, there are so many things to do, plans? I have more on the list, I just don’t know how and when to start. Am I lacking inspiration? Maybe financial incapacity? or am I just scared to take risks and frightened to feel regrets? But no matter how much I think, I still couldn’t fathom.

I believe there is no perfect outcome when it comes to what we should do with our lives because sometimes what we have planned is not will happen, and that frustrates us more. But I know every person has “something” that keeps them on their toes, gives them a high, and keeps them thrilled. We just don’t need to stop looking and making it happen.

For another year that God gave me, I am with gratefulness. I still have something that my heart wants to do, and I will never stop yearning. I know, that when the perfect time comes, everything will be spontaneous with God’s grace.

Happy new life to all of us!

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PLAYFUL KISS (K-drama 2010)

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Based on the popular manga, Oh Ha Ni is a clumsy student who falls for the perfectionist, Baek Seung Jo. However, Seung Jo is indifferent towards her and rejects her love. When Ha Ni’s house collapses, she and her father move into his long-time friend’s house. It turns out that Seung Jo is the friend’s son and Ha Ni is given the opportunity to be near the guy she loves.

There really isn’t much I can say about this drama other than the plot is shallow, but the characters were fun and cute. I think it was enough to justify the show when you expressly enjoyed only the pretty faces of the actors.

In this drama, all you can do is just sit back, don’t mind the empty shell of the story, feel the spirit of being young at heart and enjoy some of the exciting lovely moments.

Verdict: 7/10

WE CAN WORK IT OUT

What If I grab you, and push you in the bathroom, I could make out with you and tell you I love you…. And you say “It’s not gonna work, it’s not gonna work, it’s not gonna work”and I say we can work it out, we can work it out, we can work it out”

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BE FEARLESS TO BE CARELESS

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Once in a while, be fearless to be careless.

The less you care, the lesser your heart struggle.

Don’t spend too much of holding on to something that you knew it will never be yours.

Don’t let your heart be hustled of those feelings that are unsure.

Careless about those people who have no time to compromise their thoughts for you.

Careless about why someone is smarter than you.

Careless why it didn’t work out.

Let your heart skip a little beat and find your resting place.

Careless about the judgment of people. They’re going to judge you no matter what you do.

Careless about others’ business. Mind your own.

Careless if you have no special talent.

Careless about how horrible your boss is.

Careless about some rules, they are meant to break.

Be careless in your rambling thoughts, that’s how you feel.

Be wise enough to be fearless while being careless, we cannot do this every day in our life.  Be control because, at the end of the day, you are still the one responsible for your own feelings.

Be careless if you give your heart and they return it in pieces.

The less you give a damn, the happier you will be.

Don’t ever let anyone dull your sparkle. Try to keep it under your hat.

I AM NOT FINE

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Image credit to the owner

I’m not fine.

It’s not okay.

I don’t want to talk about it.

I am not ready to share it with you.

Give me some time.

I need space for a while.

I don’t want to see you.

I feel bad.

 

I think it’s okay to say all these words. We should at least stop hiding our feelings for a while to catch our breath and release the tension. Let’s honor our emotions and sometimes let them flow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

TO MY ONE & ONLY

To my one and only,

I Appreciate you being a sport minded person. From wrestling and boxing as your passing hobbies, then basketball, which we both liked and you enjoyed most.

This time, I allowed you to join the Taekwondo training thinking it would only be a past time for you, but when you asked my permission to join the school tournament as a representative of your level, I never say YES. We argued about it and you are mad at me.

I don’t care if you’d think I never supported you. How can I allow my one and only to get hurt with kicks and punches and who knows what will happen out there? Call me selfish, but I just love you that I couldn’t even bear to think you would be physically hurt. You knew my reasons, and it will never change.

As a Parent, we encourage our kids to do the things they truly enjoyed and promise them to support in any ways we can, but what if we don’t agree in the dreams they have chosen? and they thought we are the one who’s blocking their path to success?

Truly, it is a challenge to guide them while being objective about our own feelings as a Parent.

Kaichou Wa Maid-Sama (J-anime)

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Kaichou Wa Maid-Sama is about a girl named Misaki Ayuzawa who is the student council President at a former all-boys school. Her position at the top of the food chain is threatened when one of the boys, Takumi Usui, discovers that she works part-time as a maid at a maid cafe.

I watched this anime because I have read some good reviews, however, I was curious to why they had some disappointments after watching it.

Kaichou Wa Maid-Sama is witty and enjoyable to watch. The artwork is fabulous and you will enjoy the designs of each character. The romantic chemistry between the two protagonists is quite sweet and alluring.  Everything is almost okay, except the buildup of their relationship was indeed an agony. 

They took a lot of episodes for their friend zone parts rather than being “in love” with each other drastically.  Sometimes, I hated Misaki for being so clueless or being hard to get to Takumi Usui. This guy never failed to show how much he likes her, to mention his stolen kisses too and she’s just there pretending never have noticed it.  It was such a crawl event of the show, it wasn’t just enough.

Apart from this, the show is a pretty good run of romance anime.  But then, I need a season 2 to wrap up everything in order. I need more!

Verdict: 8/10

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The Beginning.

I wasn’t pretending that night.  I just don’t want to stop you.

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I had no intention to like you, it just happened out of nowhere. I admit I had a bad moment with my past love, settling my heart in forceful resolution, thinking it would just pass, looking for something I could divert off and hoping to forget at least a few minutes of my sad life.

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I was drinking too much that night, swaying my blues over the facade charmed of alcohol while clinging to your shoulder.  Yes, I was drunk, but I know, how it feels good to touch you.

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I felt dizzy and was about to flop, but you were there leading me to my bedroom, holding me close.  I know it was you and not him.  It wasn’t hard to recognize the difference; the smell, the touch, the grip…

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You were smoothing my hair… whispering me to sleep. No way I can’t stop you, that’s been all I need, you have comforted me.

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Then I felt your lips on my head. It was enough to let me sleep.

I know tomorrow will never be the same my friend. I know.

MY APOLOGY.

I feel so sorry to the world and to those people I have wronged and mistreated.

I wouldn’t excuse myself for being gritty and shitty because that was my choice, but then I still owe you all an apology.

 

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TEMPORARY

“I see where I’ve gone wrong.

I’ve been judging the circumstances of my life which are beyond my control. I’ve been comparing my broken soul with who I am and my past as the teller of what my whole life will look like. Neither are true. However my circular thoughts would say otherwise, and sometimes we have to observe ourselves beyond our thoughts and feelings–as they are often flat-out wrong.

At the same time, this life is just painful and hard sometimes, and I guess it’s OK to type that out loud. Just like I will type out loud when things change and life is better.

Everything is temporary.”

 

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