I stop apologizing for having feelings.

I don’ care if you have seen my feelings as a character flaw and a weakness. I don’t mind if you looked down on me for having emotions of sulkiness.  I accepted the blunder that I have given you the opportunity to bruise me, but I am not giving my sorry when I am not okay.

I cannot cover up my vulnerability. I can’t be cruel enough to myself. Those who can’t accept my emotions and have a hard time dealing with me and have no intention to foster both side’s feelings, then let’s put the history down to the dirty sink. And yes, it would be better for all of us.

I don’t need to apologize for what I am.

It’s not my problem when you don’t understand a single thing about my emotions. Maybe you can’t fathom because we are no longer on the same level. While every person is different, a conversation needs to start out rather than an apology, but it never happened. Resentment has been piled up, misunderstanding mixed-up, I have never blamed anyone to my defense, but for my own sentiment.

I cannot apologize for the friendship lost, instead, I want to speak my gratitude.

Thank you for all the shared memories of laughter, for the sadness, and for everything in between. I appreciate all of the things you do, big and small. Thank you for making me doubt myself, wondering what I meant to you all along, whether I was just a convenience for your own time or mine.

Thanks a ton for letting me think far what is the true meaning of friendship and relationship, the essence of when to hold and to let go. Thank you for making me realized there’s nothing wrong to snug the corners of our lives, keeping who’s important and give up who isn’t.

For all of this, thank you for making me embrace my feelings.

I bid mine goodbye for everything. Let’s grow apart and keep moving forward.



If your heart hurts a little after letting go of someone or something, that’s okay. It just means that your feelings were genuine. No one likes ends. And no one likes pain.

But sometimes we have to put things that were once good to an end after they turn toxic to our wellbeing.  Not every new beginning is meant to last forever. And not every person who walks into your life is meant to stay.

-Najwa Zebian-




Want some a real friendship bonding?

Stay away from your mobiles. For once, let's talk about me, you and us.

Honestly, I really don't like talking to someone who is pretending to listen to me while being busy playing with their phones. I get insulted. It lost my interest. It annoys me. It wants me to leave.

Why we need to meet up, then all we have to do is just stick our noses on the phone and taking pictures with sentimental captions like "happy to see them"? If you want to bond, let us enjoy the moment without thinking what is happening in the social media world. Don't ask the wifi password, challenge yourself.

If we can't do that, then shame on you, on me and on us. Let's stop this concealment and move on to our different lives.

I'm not happy to see you all  lost the essesnce of face-to-face interactions.





Closet of Miseries

When you broke up, he did everything he could to make you back. He cannot even dredge what he had done just to make you stay, approaches you have never cared, people that you have never considered about. You were so cruel, so self-centered, as if you are the most unfortunate soul suffering for what had happened between you and him.

When he finally understood that his mind needs to paced over from what his heart’s desire, he ended it by giving up. Giving up is not always his weak side, but sometimes it turns out to be the courageous act for his salvation. When he was certain that he doesn’t want to chase you anymore, but couldn’t stop his yearning, he made his own means of enduring his miseries.

Every time he missed you, he always writes a letter for you. A lot of letters that show the whole thing about his sentiments; there he expressed his lingering, begged you to come back, pleaded for another chance, being sorry though it wasn’t his fault and of course, cursed you to death. Those letters he has never sent it to you, neither he doesn’t have plans too. It was just his own resolution of saying goodbye and letting you go.

After a long two years, he unintentionally opens his old closet, and there he found you. You are the letters. He hid you from the closet of darkness and dismay where you are worthy to belong off, and there he buried you with the ashes of his sad memories.

Thank you for breaking his heart and for giving him the chance to see that life is much better, braver and nicer without you.

Now, his closet is afresh for another bunch of letters, waiting and accepting.



In response to the Daily Post Challenge: CLOSET

STARTING OVER AGAIN (tagalog movie)

starting-over-again-piolo-toni         index


Starring: Piolo Pascual / Toni Gonzaga / Iza Calzado

“How to keep what we have and treasure what we must.”


“Ours began in a most unexciting way, as friends. Now, our love may be quiet and boring but it is sure. With the right amount of trust and love, and even an allowance for mistake. “

“My love is bigger than you failures.”


How to make you unloved me without hurting you so much?

How to ask you to let me go without letting you feel you are not good enough?

How can I say I want to change my life and you don’t have to be part of it anymore?

How can I tell you the truth?  Right into your face without seeing you ache?

I want you to let me go.  I want to you to realize that I reached to my limit.

I want you to understand that I still love you but in a different way.

Please let me go, and I will be fine.



(inspired by: starting all over again)


You can reach me by railway
You can reach me by railway
You can reach me on an airplane

You can reach me with your mind

You can reach me by caravan
Cross the desert like an Arab man
I don’t care how you get here
Just get here if you can.


This has been my favorite song three years ago.  Like the rest, I have been in long distance relationship for three years. A kind of relationship where you can only see the person you love once or twice a year, an exceptional relationship where most of your time for loving, fighting, and knowing the person more is outlined from non-physical existence. Whether you admit it or not, this is an unkind way of giving yourself the so-called happiness.

I couldn’t say it will never work because there are also pairs beat the hardship in this kind of relationship, at the end, they got the sweet harvest of their patience and love. Maybe these are the people loaded with virtues. And I am not one of them, and will never be.

So after three years of block out communication with my x-long-distance boyfriend, I saw a photograph of him and his baby daughter accidentally. Well, he looks great and happy. For a moment, I just stopped thinking and trying to muse over if I could feel any remorse inside my heart. And certainly, I have none.

I am just happy to see him that way.  Finally, he got what he wants in his life, the things he needed, the people he would truly care.  Those bits and pieces that I would never give him back. Now I know, I made the right choice of letting him go and allowing him to grow.

My heart feels at ease.