Tag Archives: parenting

YOU WILL MISS THEM

I know one day, you will miss them.

You’re going to miss their deafening loudness and innocence hassles and the peak of their dirty shirts and countless toys.

You will miss them in your room while hanging out, watching you dress and crying out loud.

Soon you will miss them when they grow up and you get the break you want.

You will miss them needing you all the time because they’ll find comforts with friends or other people whom they liked.

You’re going to miss everything because when they own their freedom, you didn’t own their time.

So while still possible, enjoy their childhood and bear the hardship. Never say “hope you will grow up fast” because surely, one day, you will miss them, you will miss your little ones.

 

 

 

PAYING THE PRICE.

Do you have kids who drastically change their behavior when they become teenagers?

My son’s behavior becomes a problem after he reached the age of 14. Sometimes it confused me if his manner is appropriate to his age or just because he’s in the process of development. I am baffled between ignoring him or punishing him. Remaining calm and telling him what is right seems to give him an extra tantrum too.  He appears to be controlling, and just wanted us to ignore him all the time.

When we tried to correct him or made some remarks when he did something bad, he usually does the smart mouth talking which is really, really annoying. He has no control of his anger at all.  He says what he wants to say even though it shows disrespectful and rudeness.

I really wanted to lock him in the box and just release him when he’s at the age of maturity or place him back on my tummy. You can’t stop thinking about silly things, especially when you expect him to give you strength instead of draining your remaining kindness and putting you to the limits.

How hard is it to become a Parent?  I know it’s more than words to explain. I realized and imagine how my Mom and Pops suffered too when I was in my age of rebellion. I think I am paying the price now.

With prayer, I am hoping that he will settle better than me, that he will discover more good things about people, that time will take his side to mold him into a better, kinder, respectful and considerate man I am praying him to be.

Goodluck.

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WHEN HE WANTS TO BE ALONE

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“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway… let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.”

  ― C. JoyBell C.

RIGHTS TO DO IT.

I always told myself that I can do everything in my power to be a successful person and a supportive single parent to my son. I have no remorse of these two responsibilities in my hand; to be a mom and at the same time to be a dad.  Yes, I do complain occasionally when colors turned out dark, but most of the time, it’s a feeling of accomplishment and somewhat I am always proud of.

Honestly, for the past long years, my son and I never have received the rights for financial support from my x-husband. It was clearly stated in the Philippine Constitution the anti-violence against women and their children, that we should be protected. I am fully aware of this law, but have never used it properly to protect my son. I became the slave of my own hard work and reputation.

Then, I woke up one day realizing that I shouldn’t carry this load alone. I must teach someone how to handle responsibility and not just to live a life of ease. So, while I was in the Philippines, I went to the Philippine Overseas Labor Office with my son and made a complaint address to his father, who is working now in Italy, with a demand of financial support monthly, or else, he will be blacklisted to work abroad and will be deported back to his hometown. Honestly, I really don’t want to create drama, but for now, it really works.

So, just last month, my son received his allowance in complete amounts stated from the agreement. It was our little feat shared of what we have fought for our rights.

To all the women out there that suffered this kind of issue or more than that, we should never feel disgrace or to be embarrassed to contest our rights as a woman and for our children. We might feel a little hesitant as every beginning is hard, but being fearful or ashamed of our situation leads us to hardiest life.

So,  be brave and have a little faith in yourself.

I believe I can do it, you can do it, we can do it!

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#BeBoldForChange

Generation Z

When I saw this kid playing on the ground, I smiled with delight. I watched them till the game was over. It was good to see children enjoying the freedom of their time and hearing the ordinary laughter from them.

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I was in the generation that stays in the street to play all kinds of games, roam around with rented bicycle, record songs on the cassettes, watch movies on VHS and appreciates small, black and white TV screen.

I had a great time back when everything was so simple and  just hated the noon time NAP.

At present, I pity those kids who can’t be able to connect without using the social network and lacking of personal interaction, who never experience the real fun behind the wide screen of expensive PlayStation and Xbox, those who have never covered their faces with dirt and sweat. I feel sympathy for those who will only remember their childhood as a mere shadow of growing than joy and pleasure.

Who’s to be blamed then?

To the parents who thought that setting rules, conditions and guidelines will make their children look disciplined and controlled?

Who became lost in nostalgia and wanted their kids to accomplish what they have not achieved, then sheltered them only in the four corners?

To the parents who are more involved in career than their children’s emotional needs, tend to drown them with materials consolation?

Parents who don’t want to disturb by their children, raised them by TV set, electronics & gadgets and continuously disconnected to peers?

Are we the worst generation parents ever? 

Let’s give our children space to find their spot in our society. Allow them to make a childhood bruises and blunders. Let them have their “own” success and failures. Help them to identify who they are. Loose them a little, but not too much.

Please let them play outside, literally.

Father and Son

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“ Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice.”

Badge of Parenthood

What is good Parenting? What does it take to be a good parent today, especially if you work abroad and away from your children?

They said, the best thing to spend on your children is your time. You have a lifetime to work, but children are only young once.  How am I supposed to react to this? Can single parenting lend an excuse from this unwavering quote?

I feel so unjustly right in this kind of situation, but extra suffocating when others think that my means to liven up my family is a mistake.  How it became a fault when you only desired for them to have a comfortable life?  Am I a bad parent if my children didn’t reciprocate my sacrifices and become one problem of our society?  How can we justify this? How can I become a good parent out of this?

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My 14 year old, claiming himself as a good son.

 Having a long distance relationship with my son is crucial and painful. It took him a lot of courage and wide understanding of the situation. He became someone not on his age to soothe these things out, but so far he handles it with good care.

I would accept that there is always lack of physical attention to each other. I have the guilt in my gut and do self-loathe all the time, but I wonder if I don’t have the ability and desire to give him a promising future, where he could be? Is just love enough by equipping to raise him? How can you call love without sacrifices?

Parenting will not teach you how to become a good parent, but it will teach you how to fail and stood up, and that is my badge.

It is vital that when educating our children’s brains that we do not neglect to educate their hearts. —The Dalai Lama

Out of love

I love my mom,

Though we always fought,
Disagree of many things,
Always beat me to humiliate,
Weaken me to accept my mistake.

I still love my mom,

Despite of my feeble hatred,
when I was young.
The feelings of not being adored,
when she mumbled hurtful words.

I love my mom,

What I have realized behind,
so many reasons I think about.
The argue, the scold, the spank
it was out of love and not her lack.

 

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I am just a kid.

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My five years old godchild (jevon) drew this out of his furry and being unhappy to his mom for not letting him play the smart phone.

Is it really impossible to tell someone what we really feel instead of keeping or ignoring until it aches so badly? 

This kid is better than me.

 

WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

One of my sentiments of being a single parent arises once school enrollment comes. Lack of financial support from the father of my son makes me wonder how good his life must be away from this responsibility. Sometimes, I pity myself I wouldn’t deny that, but consolation comes when I think about the past years that I stood up for the challenges and hardship of being the sole financial supporter of my son.

Yes, I am proud of it and at times I keep asking myself how did I do it? I just feel the awesomeness inside!

I am a single parent and I have my pride and I have my son.

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To all single parents out there, let’s be determined to be blissful in whatever situation we are in and will might be. We don’t have to force our self to be both parents because God will make up for what is missing.  Let’s create the best of us because our contentment and distresses depends upon our dispositions in our life, and not from our situations.

We should always remember, we are good enough. Good enough to pay for the next school enrollment. haha. 🙂

STOP BREAKING HIS HEART.

I’m going to be blunt. Asshole. Stop breaking my son’s heart.

My son was really annoyed to his father yesterday that he unfriend him on his Facebook. Before that, he was able to tell him this words; “You made a son, but you don’t even know how to support.” Words that I couldn’t say it to his father’s face, but he did it on behalf of me. He may be sound bad-mannered, but I have respected his feelings. Why? Because he is my son and he has been through a lot growing up without a father’s love and connection.

Asshole. Do you not realize the damage you are creating for him? Instead of making up the lost time, showing him your remorse, building a new relationship with him and presenting your love, you choose to hurt him and made him agitated. You should have called him all the time, especially on his last birthday and chat him every day. Of course, you didn’t do that because you are an asshole.

Don’t ever try again to break him. It’s been twelve years I have been trying my everything to make him a happy person. I will not allow you to hurt my little boy, not ever again.

The truth is, you don’t deserve him.

 

Divide to 9

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AES:    I’m going to have a heart attack seeing these grades!

SON:   All the subjects are getting harder.

AES:    That’s not the issue!

SON:   Even our top 1 student, she went down to top 3.

AES:   I don’t care; she’s not even my daughter.

SON:   See, if you will add all my grades and DIVIDE them to 9, my total average is 86! I passed.

AES:   So you like Math now??

Son:  index

 

I haven’t talked to my son for two days now, he really pissed me off. And of course, I want him to realize that I am mad.

I know his capacity; he has a bright mind, but he doesn’t have a study habit at all. That’s what we always struggle.

Two weeks ago, it was their third grading exam. I called him from overseas to check on him if he was studying. He said he is about to start. After 30 minutes, I called him again and he said he was done studying. I was like wtf? 30 minutes?  I ask too many of Why’s, and he just answered that he has a computer mind, can save everything.

OMG!

I don’t know if I was to laugh or scold him again. I just don’t have the energy anymore. Can I divide my responsibility to anyone? Sigh.

In response to the Daily Prompt: DIVIDE

Not everybody can be like me.

When one of my so-called friend said “it’s better not to have kids than to have one without a husband or a father”, I could feel my blood is about to shatter in my veins. What the heck is she talking about? In my defense, I would say “It’s better not to have a cheater husband than to suffer for the rest of my life”.

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Another acquaintance told me that I should find someone new because it’s hard to sleep alone every night. That no matter what, I would be always lonely in my bed. My blood wasn’t about to explode that time because there is a half-truth of it. Yes, at first it was hard to endure, there were times you really wanted to have someone beside you if you go to bed or when you wake up the next day. I slept with some of my boyfriends, and to be honest, my life has never changed while I’m still with them, I still couldn’t find peace. Sex is not always matter, it’s not all about what had happened in the bedroom makes you happy, you can’t just live like that.

So if somebody would tell me again about it, I would say, I was able to sleep soundly & deeply now without someone beside me. It’s uncomfortable to have someone near me snoring!

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Being a single Parent, I have faced some issues in my life;  from supporting my son alone, from the reaction of people, from the notion that I wasn’t good enough, with these & that coming from people who have no idea the whole story of my life. At first it was really appalling and annoying, but somehow I have proven my worth, not everybody can be like me, so what the hell.

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Trio

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“You don’t choose your family.

They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”

Responsibility. Big word.

People have forgotten this truth,” the fox said. “But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose.”  – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince      

Responsibility. Big word.

I started to become responsible when I have my son in my life. Though I was quiver for a while, and took me a little way to escape, but still I was able to play the track again.

Before my husband left us for another woman, I became a full time wife. Though I didn’t enjoy it and came to a point of hating it, later I realized it was a good job after all. Taking care of your kids full time has always been a privilege for us mothers. It was a happy, hard, boring moments in my life, but I always feel grateful whenever I think about it.

When my marriage failed, I was left alone with my hand’s full of responsibility; our son, our credit card bills &  jobless! as if I was doomed to carry all the hardship in life without a taste of readiness.  I was afraid to wake up in the morning because I don’t know what to do, where to start & how could I go on.  I even tried to think it’s better to die then, but when I saw my son’s face sleeping peacefully beside me, I had woken up from my selfish deeds. Yes, I have to be responsible forever for what I have tamed, responsible for my son’s life.

Responsibility, big word, It is.

Because of that, I was able to pick up the pieces of myself one by one, slowly but considerably. I went through this kind of rebellion; school, drinking, work, drinking, boyfriends, and I treated my son as my last priority.

I always came home from work late and drunk. In that usual occasion, my Parents reprimanded me by locking all the doors and not wanting me to go inside. I even pee outside on our porch and vomited several times. I was such a difficult person at that time. Then one night, I went home bombed with alcohol, I was calling my Mother to open the door for me, unexpectedly, my son did. I was startled, so I stand straight, not wanting him to see my drunken face and asked him why he still awake. With sluggish and innocent look, he replied without hesitations; “’I’m afraid you couldn’t get in since grandma doesn’t want to open the door for you.”

I have believed since that night, I became his responsibility and he should be my top priority. I could no longer endure my pointless disposition, I almost forgot there was someone who always waited for me to come home, my little rose, my son, my responsibility.

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